This Week’s ABC

📖 Advice: Self-Awareness in 60 Seconds

Like many men, I was conditioned to suppress my feelings—to see them as weakness. (Thanks toxic masculinity and patriarchy!)

Then therapy flipped the script for me.

**I realized: emotions aren’t good or bad. They’re just data.**And that data is invaluable.

Then I went to therapy****, and learned skills in emotional intelligence that have given me a better life: better opportunities, deeper relationships, more fulfillment.

That was a less mature version of me that classified feelings as**“good”** or**“bad”**. I’ve grown a little bit since then.

I’ve learned: feelings are feelings.

There is no good or bad to them.

Daniel Goleman’s**Emotional Intelligence Framework** starts with self-awareness.

Why?

Because your level of self-awareness determines how well you:

1. Show up for yourself, your team, your loved ones
2. Manage difficult conversations
3. Make decisions under pressure
4. Deepen your relationships
5. Control your emotional responses

Life is full of change and hard moments that test you.

In those emotionally difficult moments, it will feel much easier to react and lash out.

It will be much easier to do that, and say something you’ll regret later.

Been there, regretted that.

Every time I have given in to this impulse, I have deeply regretted it.

We don’t always know what we’re feeling.

Emotions are complicated.

So, we may tend to react.

Then things like pride and ego get in the way of sorries and progress.

Then I discovered the Feelings Wheel to make it all easier.

Originally created by psychologist Dr. Gloria Willcox, the Feelings Wheel helps you name exactly what you’re feeling.

I’m actually convinced this tool just makes you a better human the more you use it.

All humans are emotional beings.

The better you can emotionally regulate, the more effective you can be in the relationships you show up to.

You cannot regulate without self-awareness.

I’m a hyper optimizing type of person and I think of this as minimizing time to understanding of feelings (of yourself, and of others).

Better emotional regulation = better version of me.

Sign me up.

Just gotta put in the work to gain the skills.

“Without communication, no real understanding can be possible. But be sure that you can communicate with yourself first. If you cannot communicate with yourself, how do you expect to communicate with another person?” —Thich Nhat HanhAdvice: 60 seconds to emotional self-awareness.

Breakthrough: 10 quotes to help you ground yourself in emotional moments.

Challenge: A 5-minute exercise to help you label and process your emotions this week.

For years, I was terrible at identifying my own emotions.

*** The Feelings Wheel & Self-Awareness in 3 Steps***

1. Stop and Assess: When you feel emotionally flooded, stop and look at the Feelings Wheel.
2. Name to Tame: Name all of the emotions that feel closest to what you’re experiencing.
3. Write and Reflect: Write it down, then think about “What do I need?”

Only you know the true answers to what you feel and what you need.

You have power and control. Exert it.

Personally, I like imagining my inner child visually in my head (Little Robert) and asking him, “How are you feeling? What do you need?”

Self-awareness is a skill you can never get too good at.

According to Dr. Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA, naming emotions activates the prefrontal cortex, which sends signals to the amygdala to calm down, thereby reducing the stress response.

→ Putting feelings into words LITERALLY disrupts and reduces activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain that responds to stress and fear.

Takeaway: Naming feelings is something you can actively do in your control to be a better leader of yourself and to those around you.

Sweet.

🚀 Breakthrough: 10 Quotes On Emotions

I find it handy to keep quotes and reminders around me for when I’m off center.

**RT: **This woman is amazing.

*“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” *

–Daniel Goleman

**RT: **100% true from my personal experiences.

RT:Are you a victim, or a fighter?

*“We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.” *

–Marshall B. Rosenberg

**RT: **Shoutout to his great framework, Nonviolent Communication

**RT: **PREACH.

“There’s no retreat more peaceful and untroubled than a man’s own mind…”

—Marcus Aurelius

**RT: **Make it so.

**RT: **Gotta love the engineering take.

“Feel deeply. Think clearly. Live fully.”

–Robert Ta​

Had to do it.

“You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.” –Dale CarnegieThis is how you shift from react mode to respond mode. Amygdala*: “EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY.”* Prefrontal Cortext:* “Hey there bud, it’s okay. Here’s a hug.”* Amygdala:* “Oh. Okay. Everything’s okay.”*Naming feelings, gives you power.

*“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” * –Maya AngelouNOT naming feelings, takes your power.

“Emotions are not inherently good or bad; they are just data. What matters is how we act on them.” –Chade-Meng TanSo being a better person is completely within our control.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” –Viktor FranklHere are a few of my favorites…